Not long ago, our family sat in an office speaking with a doctor whose team had saved my son’s life a few months earlier. Since the rescue surgery, Jacob (now 15) has had a couple of follow-up surgeries and endured quite a bit.  On the good side of a rough few months, Jacob’s surgeon hit us with some wisdom.

“Many doctors and the research community often speak of cure rates.”

“Our team,” he continued, “is most often in the business of healing, not curing.”

My attention turned inward at that moment…what a profound distinction.

Jacob would most certainly heal.  His body would recover.  He will live to pursue a meaningful and purpose filled life.  He need not live in fear.  To say that he is cured, though, would be wrong and would sell short his experiences.

He is not back to normal, as if nothing ever happened.  He will bare scars, emotionally and physically.  In a myriad of ways, his life will be different for his experiences.  He is not cured.

A few days later, my thoughts turned to personal finance.  Maybe the same can be said of us when it comes to our money and the decisions we make. Most of us have made mistakes as we manage our resources. Some of us spend aggressively and prioritize today over saving for tomorrow.  Others of us save more and more each year out of fear and angst for a tomorrow to which we are not entitled.  Regardless of the nature our financial maladies take, we often live with the scars of anxiety and fear and perhaps resentment.  Our relationships suffer.  We try to hide the scars.

Over the last several months, we have encouraged our young man to embrace his challenges and the mountains that he has climbed through the last couple of years.  We have encouraged him that these experiences do not define him; rather the strength and grace with which he has navigated the challenges gives him the foundation for a truly special life.  A testament to his faith, he has begun to embrace the scars.

Curing our money issues can be every bit as elusive as curing our physical ailments. We can never un-spend those dollars or go back in time to make that family investment that we passed on years before.  Healing, though, may be more accessible if we take time to understand our past and give ourselves an ample dose of grace and forgiveness.

Ultimately, we may find that we are able to embrace our financial scars and that our mistakes lead the way to what is important, helping to mold our values. When we muster that extra dose of patience, time has a remarkable way of turning anger into acceptance. Resentment to respect. Once fragile circumstances and relationships may just prove a durable foundation for the legacies we want to leave.

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