We all have them: moments that impact us forever. Some of these moments sneak up on us, others may culminate from detailed plans and thoughtful consideration of our elders and mentors. Below are a couple of moments in time that have impacted our house… and maybe they begin to tell a bigger story about legacy. The first vignette involves my grandmother, many years ago.
I was a young man, with college a few years in the rear view and a wedding date on the horizon. This particular moment came in a phone call:
“Grandmom, I have a new address for you…yes, I just moved into my new home in Atlanta!” Then Grandmom’s response, “Ohhhhh my goodness…. you are growing up …..” Envision a long-distance pinch of the cheeks – although my grandmom was not exactly the cheek pinching type! You get the picture, she was a proud grandmom.
First things first, I was a “Grandmommas boy” – the only grandson at the time and I was loved well. School holidays found me and grandmom exploring museums, before I fell asleep to her nighttime readings of Rudyard Kipling and Robert Louis Stevenson. A fortunate young man, was I – but that story is for another day.
Notably, Grandmom did not ask how many bedrooms my new house boasted, nor did she inquire as to the size of my lot, or if I had a garage. She didn’t know if this home was built of brick or cardboard. In her experience and view of the world, though, Grandmom saw the purchase of a home as stability, security for my family, and most importantly, an indication of responsibility. More so, from her perspective, than my college degree or other successes.
Her joy stemmed from my accepting responsibility. Having a home – in her eyes – meant that I could be trusted with her expectations of providing a secure and stable home for a new family. It was never about this home or that home… for her, it was about taking care of family.
We all want to see the next generation demonstrating that they can be trusted with our most important expectations, right? (What a great definition for responsibility, by the way, credit to KidsQuest at Perimeter Church). Part two is the story of another intergenerational moment, this one involving my then 10-year old daughter and me.
We had travelled to New Orleans for a regional gymnastics meet. Riley loved gymnastics, practiced for hours on end daily. Balance beam was her strongest event – earlier she had won first place in the state competition for her balance beam routine. You may be able to understand her disappointment, then, when when she lost her balance, wobbled and fell to the floor in New Orleans… right smack dab in the middle of a beautiful routine.
When we met after the meet, she found a tearful embrace. She didn’t see tears of disappointment or sadness on my cheeks, though. When Riley fell off of the beam in the middle of her routine she did a couple of things that are imprinted on my memory. She gathered herself, took a deep breath, addressed the beam, proceeded with her routine – uncompromised.
My tears were of joy, much like my grandmother’s above. When we see our children or teammates or colleagues working hard, we love to see their hard work rewarded with successful outcomes. BUT, I cannot quite explain the pride I felt as a dad, watching my daughter finishing strong despite a known outcome that would fall dramatically short of her expectations, with what must have felt like the world watching. She showed her teammates that she could be trusted to finish strong when things got tough – and I could not have been more proud.
Responsibility: the ability to be trusted with what is expected of us. When the chips are down, what are the character traits with which you long to trust the next generation? How do you create the legacy of responsibility in your house? Is it a plan that you are executing through time by instilling proper habits? Or, do you seize moments for impact? Do you start small with chores and school duties? Do you talk about responsibility directly?
How values take life tends to look different from family to family, as do the methods through which we teach these values. Please, share your experiences by commenting below, we would love to learn from your story!
Check back next month when we talk about Respect, and ways we see clients bringing this value to life through the way they invest their time and their financial resources.
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